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| Category:Lawyer Jokes - Author:- Contributor: | |
| A Well-Dressed Lawyer and a Redneck | |
| A successful, wealthy, bigshot city lawyer and a redneck got into a car wreck on a hot summer day. The lawyer got out of his BMW and the redneck got out of his pickup to survey the damage, and the redneck realized he was at fault... "YOU STUPID HICK!" shouted the lawyer, looking with contemt at the redneck in his dirty overalls. After looking over the handsome, impeccably dressed and dignified city lawyer in his $2,000 navy blue pinstriped suit, carefully knotted red silk tie, starched white shirt, silver cufflinks and black dress shoes polished like mirrors, $1,000 briefcase and hundred dollar haircut, the redneck walked back to his car, got out a bottle, and brought it back. He handed it to the lawyer, and said, "Here, you look pretty shook up. I think you ought to take a nip of this. It'll steady your nerves....IT'S HOMEMADE..." The lawyer did, but was so angry about the wreck, he refused to speak. The redneck then said, "You still look a little bit pale. How about another?" And the smug, pompous lawyer took another swallow. After a few minutes, he began to feel the heat of the sun hrough his wool suit. Then the redneck said "It's mighty hot today. Folks 'round here don't usually wear shoes on a day like those. Why don’t you take off them fancy shoes, and the socks, too." Mister Pinstripes frowned: "Take off my shoes and socks? Do I LOOK like someone who would walk around barefoot? That's fine for hicks, but not for a professional like ME! These are $500 shoes!" But after a few more sips, the redneck asked him again, and then again, and then again, and the lawyer finally surrendered, let out a drunken laugh, and took off his polished shoes and socks. Then the redneck said: "Why don't you take off that fancy tie?" "My tie!" said the lawyer, but a moment later, the silk tie was dropped on top of the shoes and socks. The redneck smiled, and held up a pair of extra overalls: "And that fancy business suit? You look kind of funny standing there barefoot in a suit! I got another pair of overalls you can wear while we figger out what to do about this situation!" The lawyer tried to give him an arrogant look, but he was feeling the heat of the sun and the liquor. He tried to resist, but... Off came the silk tie, and then the jacket of the $2,000 pinstriped suit, and then the starched white shirt. Finally, the trousers, too, and the lawyer pulled on the overalls. At the urging of the redneck, the lawyer then took another sip, and another, and another. The suspenders and the cufflinks and the briefcase were all in a heap now, and the lawyer was having a hard time standing up. After another half hour, the lawyer said he was feeling pretty good, and asked the redneck if he didn't think that he ought to have a little nip, too. Then he realized he couldn't find the redneck...or his expensive clothes... "Not me", the redneck replied, stepping out from behind a tree, holding his briefcase, shaving with a razor he found in the briefcase, wearing the lawyer's clothes and holding the keys to his BMW. He looked at the formerly well-dressed and dignified lawyer, sitting in the dirt, barefoot in overalls and drunk as a skunk and transformed into a true redneck. "Not me said the redneck in lawyer's clothes, as he rubbed some dirt into the lawyer's manicured hands and expensive haircut. "I'm waiting for the state trooper." | |
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| Whazzaap Whazzaaaa - Contributor: | |
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| Joke of the Week | |
| Brooms & Carrotsticks - Contributor: | |
| Bob was joining the army and they were handing out rifles when he arrived, so he got in line. When it got to Bob, they had run out of guns. The man issuing rifles gave him a broom "This is a magic broom -- point it at anybody, say 'Bangity bangity bang,' and they will die." Bob was really worried because he didn't think it would work, but he got in line for bayonets, thinking he might stand a chance if he could stab them to death. As luck would have it, Bob's turn came and they had ran out. "Don't worry." said the man issuing them out. "I will give you this magic carrot -- point it at somebody, say 'Stabbity stabbity stab,' and they will die." Now Bob is terrified, going into battle with a broom and carrot, when the sirens go off, signaling invasion. Bob goes out, only to be laughed at by the enemy. One enemy even comes up to him, hoping to get a good shot at him. Well, Bob didn't have anything to lose so he pointed at him and said "Bangity bangity bang!" and the guy fell down dead. He did the same thing with the magic carrot. Amazed at what was happening, he continued to fight. Then, a guy came slowly up to him and he would not die. Bob tried to shoot and stab him, but he wouldn't die. The last words poor Bob heard as he was being trampled over were "Tankity tankity tank." | |
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